Cowards Bend the Knee

Let me start this entry with a question: How many readers have ever seen a silent movie? What about a silent movie made in 2003? If you answered no to one or both of those questions then you may have trouble watching Guy Madden's silent film Cowards Bend the Knee. Reminiscent of David Lynch's film Eraserhead, Cowards Bend the Knee is a black and white film made in modern times. However, unlike Eraserhead the only sound in the film comes from an orchestral score and a few sound effects that occur few and far between. However, no meaning is lost from the absence of sound. The film is a powerful and somewhat terrifying film that highlights the sexual deviances of the main character as well as his love affair with a young woman who wants to avenge her father's death. While it is hard to critique the acting, mainly because of the lack of dialogue and the confusing nature of the filming, all actors seemed to immerse themselves in their roles. The young actresses especially portrayed their characters beautifully and with intensity and passion. However, the most commendable aspect of this film was by far the cinematography. Filming in black and white is always more difficult than filming in color because the cinematographer must painstakingly visualize what each scene will look like when seen by audiences in black and white. Making a silent film also adds difficulty to the project because the cinematographer and director must coach the actors and actresses on how to show what is happening in the film without relying on dialogue (which is a difficult task for many modern actors. Guy Maddin, the director and cinematographer, showed true dedication to the medium by filming a black and white and silent film in the modern, special-effects crazed film industry. However, taking a risk paid off in a major way. While the movie may not be a blockbuster hit it is well-received by many film critics and currently has a 95% on the film review site Rotten Tomatoes.
While Cowards Bend the Knee is an interesting experience, I would not recommend it to most people. It is not for the faint of heart and most people will find it hard to watch a modern silent film. It takes a special kind of person to enjoy such a surreal movie and the average movie viewer will most likely find themselves revolted, horrified, and very confused.

-H

Natural Born Killers

Voted as one of the 25 most dangerous films of all times, Oliver Stone's Natural Born Killers is one of the coolest, scariest, wildest movies I've ever seen. On face value, the movie is about two mass murderers, Mickey and Mallory, who are in love with each other and with killing. The movie shows their journey together. It shows how the meet, how they live, and then it shows a bit of their time spent in prison. But the movie isn't really about Mickey and Mallory. It isn't even really about murder. It's, almost too clearly, about violence in the media. We see the press coverage of Mickey and Mallory's killing, we see the fans they gain (a la Bonnie and Clyde), and we always see snippets of news reports covering the trial of a murderer, a murder at a wedding, and a forest fire ravaging a village. Oliver Stone weaved this tale of two murderous lovers to show how the media exploits the hardships of others for ratings.

The story of Natural Born Killers is just amazing. It's violent and gory and over-the-top and awesome. But the story is just the base of this movie. The story really isn't what's important. It's the characters. Mickey, played by Woody Harrelson, was just plain charming. Yes he's a murderer. Yes he's crazy. But you just can help but love him. And the more you listen to what he says, the more you understand his crazy. The more you feel for him and for his lover, Mallory, who is played by Juliette Lewis. You'll even find yourself rooting for Mallory when she lights her mother's bed on fire because of the life-long abuse she has faced from her father and mother. Both actors have a special ability. An ability to pull people into their characters, no matter how evil the character is. But, they weren't the only good actors in the movie. Tommy Lee Jones provides an astoundingly over-the-top performance as the manager of the prison housing Mickey and Mallory and Robert Downey Jr. delivers as a TV personality trying to get the best ratings by interviewing the notorious and well-loved Mickey.

Natural Born Killers best quality, however, was the editing. It was just astounding. There were nearly 7000 cuts throughout the film and everything blended together. There were different types of shots, some in black and white, some in color. And each shot, each cut, each color, meant something. The black and white meant that we were watching inside the head of the characters while color meant that everything was happening exactly as it happened with nothing changed or manipulated. And each cut showed a different demon, or dark side, that lived inside of Mickey. Every shot meant something.

Natural Born Killers is not a movie for everyone. There is very, very graphic violence that may disturb some people. There is a lot of blood and a lot of gore and the subject matter is deeply frightening. However, for people who don't mind a little, well a lot, of blood, Natural Born Killers is a must see commentary on the media.

-H

If People In Horror Movies Only Knew

Okay, so everyone knows that horror movies are, well, kind-of, sort-of, stupid. And sometimes it's not the movie itself that is so stupid, but the characters in the movie. According to Scream, there are certain rules that you must follow in order to survive a horror movie. Personally, I love horror movies and I think that I would probably survive though the movie, or at least be one of the last people to die. Because of my love of horror movies, I've compiled a list of rules, along with some of the rules in Scream, that will help you survive a horror movie.

The first, and most basic rule, is simple: Always be aware of your surroundings. This can mean many, many things. First off this means stay sober. Don't drink or do drugs because both can seriously hinder your senses. When you're under the influence of any substance your mind cannot function properly and it will not register that you are in any danger, even when the mask killer is stalking you around the house. Secondly, this means always watch where you're going. When you're being chased by the killer, ruin around the big ditches and roots and branches. It will seriously hurt your chances of surviving if you can't stand up long enough to run away. Lastly, this rule means exactly what it says, be aware of where you are. If you're going into a big, scary, empty house check the closets before settling down with your headphones in your ears with the music so loud you can't hear the pounding footsteps of the killer coming up to slash your throat from behind. If you're about to get into a car check the back seat for knife-wielding maniacs. Also be aware of all possible hiding places, just in case you cannot run from the masked killer.

Rule number two is this: Do not have sex. There are several reasons for this rule. The first reason relates loosely to rule number one. While having sex, you cannot be completely aware of your surroundings. The second reason to not have sex in a horror movie is a little less complicated: the killer doesn't like people having sex. Most masked maniacs kill because of some deep-seeded sexual fears or repression so they absolutely hate to see anyone else having sex. Sex basically equals death in horror movies.

Rule number three: Always run. For some reason, people in horror movies always think their best bet is to hide. Whether it be in a closet, under a bed, or in an attic, people think it's a good idea to lay around and wait to be brutally hacked up. However, pretty much anybody, even if they aren't the fastest runner will have better chances of living by trying to out run their killer rather than hiding from them. It seems like people think these killers are deaf and blind. If the killer sees you go into a room and follows you in, your best bet would be to climb out the window or run out another door. Because if you just hide in the room, the killer will a) know you're in their, b) will hear you breathing, and c) eventually be able to find you and murder you because there are only so many places in one room that you can hide. However, if you're going to run make sure you follow rule number one and watch where you're going.

Rule number four: Never run up the stairs. Just don't do it. It's like running in to a death trap. I don't care if the killer is blocking the foot of the stairs. Run at him, full-speed, kick him in the crotch and get out that front door. Either way you look at it, going upstairs will probably get you killed. Once you're up the stairs there are only two ways that it could turn out. One, you get up the stairs, undoubtedly try to hide, and are corned and killed. Two, you get up the stairs and then try to jump out the window. This may seem like a good idea at the time, but in reality, the jump itself may kill you, and if it doesn't it might just injure you enough that you can no longer run from the masked killer. There is a third way running upstairs could end up, but it's very unlikely. If you do have to run up the stairs, and I mean there is no possible way around it, hide in a place that is close to the stairs and easy to get out of, then run down the stairs after the killer has come up and go straight out the door. Never stay upstairs for a long period of time because it will kill you.

Rule number five: Hold on to your tools. Everyone in horror movies have some sort of tools to work with. Whether it be a weapon like a gun or knife or something else helpful like a cell phone, everyone has something that might help save their lives. For some reason, people in horror movies think that if a cell phone has no signal it's completely useless or if a gun runs out of bullets they should just throw it to the ground. Hold on to everything that you can that doesn't slow you down. Cell phones can lose signal in one place and pick it up again a few feet away. And guns can be used as a weapon even after you've run out of bullets so don't throw it down.

Rule number six: Double tap. Heck, triple tap. Tap as much as you possibly can. Just because he looks dead doesn't mean he actually is. So don't let his playing dead fool you. It takes a lot to kill a psychotic killer. And since most horror movies have supernatural killers, it might take so much that you might not actually be able to kill him, just wound him enough for you to get away. But never shoot the killer once and assume he's dead. Shoot him ten times and assume he's still alive.

The final rule for surviving a horror movie is less a rule and more a way of life. First off, be a girl. Guys, I know you have no control over that, but you can at least act a little more feminine or something. But, honestly, it is very unlikely that a man, other than the killer, will make it through a horror movie. Secondly, be a boyish girl. Killers don't like girly girls. And it's easier to kill someone who's trying to run in heels and who doesn't know how to use a gun than a tomboy in tennis shoes. Third, be questioning. Be suspicious of everyone and everything, because it's not safe to trust anyone, not even your friends. These three qualities are the marking quality of the final girl. The one that survives and either kills the killer or injures him enough to get away. The final girl is like a boy. She's smart, she savvy, and she knows how to work tools and weapons and cars. And she almost always lives.

So, there you go. If you ever find yourself in a horror flick, follow these rules and, if you're female, you might just live. And, even if you are male, you may still have a chance as long as you follow the horror movie rules to the word. And don't try to be a hero. And most importantly, always double tap.

-H

True Blood (Season 1)

Okay, so I know that this is a movie review blog and we don't typically write reviews for television shows. However, this weekend I had the pleasure of watching the entire first season of the hit show True Blood. True Blood is about a young girl named Sookie who lives in a small Louisiana town. At this time, vampires are "coming out of the coffin" and trying to live among people and drink a type of synthetic blood called TruBlood to survive. One night, Sookie meets vampire Bill outside of the bar she works at and the two begin a magical relationship.

True Blood is the grown up Twilight. Only True Blood has one thing that Twilight doesn't: vampires. Some of you may be saying, "Isn't Twilight all about vampires?" And my answer to that is NO. Not by any means. The vampires in True Blood don't sparkle in sunlight, they burn to a crisp. The vampires in True Blood don't hide away from humans, they live among them no matter how dangerous that might be fore them. The vampires in True Blood don't play baseball in an open field when a bunch of evil vampires are after them, they play Wii Golf. Well, that last one isn't very intimidating but you get my point. True Blood has True vampires. However, the dialogue in True Blood does resemble that of Twilight, but it's just so much cooler when it comes out of the mouth of a REAL vampire.

Another reason True Blood is MILES better than Twilight is the acting. Anna Paquin, Sookie, and Stephen Moyer, who plays vampire Bill Compton, are absolutely incredible. Paquin is a delight to watch on screen. She seems to really enjoy her role and her fear and anger and joy just flies off the screen. Moyer is also an extreme delight. He seems to sincere and he plays the vampire perfectly. Robert Pattinson has nothing on this man. Moyer is incredibly suave and sexy and alluring, just like a vampire should be. Nelsan Ellis, who plays Layfayette, is also an absolute joy who brings the comic relief in every episode so far.

The plot of True Blood is also very exiting. It has everything an exciting drama should have sex, violence, drugs, and murder. And it's not only vampire fans who'll enjoy True Blood. The story arch of the first season is actually more about a murderer (a human, I might add) than vampires or anything supernatural. However, there are many supernatural aspects to the show that I won't address in the review so I won't give anything away. But if you like murder mysteries or supernatural thrillers True Blood is the show for you. However, don't go into this expecting it to be like the light-hearted Twilight. True Blood is an emotional and dark show that was not meant to be seen by children due to it's extremely violent and sexual content.

The only thing I didn't really like about True Blood is how likable the characters are. Because as soon as you start to really like a character, they're probably about to be killed off. Oh, and one more thing, if you're squeamish about blood, do not watch this show.

-H

Orphan

When I first saw the trailer for Orphan I was very excited to see it. Then I found out what the ending to the movie was and decided that I could wait to see it because all of the surprise had been taken out. But then I decided to go ahead and watch it and was actually very surprised out how good it really was.

Orphan tells the story of a young couple who are trying to adopt a child after losing their third child. The couple goes to a girls home where the meet the charming and brilliant Esther. They eventually decide to adopt the young girl and they do all that they can to make her feel like she is part of the family. Initially she gets along with all of them, but as time passes it becomes apparent that Esther doesn't want to become part of their family because, by the time she's threw with them, they won't have a family at all.

The plot of Orphan is actually very smart. I found out the "twist" ending before hand and thought that it was pretty stupid. However, after seeing the movie, I found that my initial thoughts were wrong. The ending proved to be very smart and worked well the entire film. Even though I knew it was coming, the way the character in the film reacted to the shocking twist still surprised me and I'm positive if I hadn't known the surprise ending that I would have been absolutely floored by the ending. The film is very emotional, but I wouldn't necessarily call it scary. The aspect of the plot dealing with the death of the couples child was sad enough that it almost made me cry and many of the parts with Esther are very frightening. Every time Esther came on camera the scene automatically became suspenseful. The writers made her character absolutely terrifying. Her actions are horrifying, especially for a child, and it will make your skin crawl to see just how evil this young girl can be.

The acting in this movie was very good. All of the actors did and incredible job, but I must say that there were two actresses who were absolutely brilliant: Isabelle Fuhrman and Aryana Engineer. At twelve years old, Fuhrman out-acted every other person in this film. The young actress played the terrifying Esther perfectly. Being a die-hard horror fan, I've always wanted a truly terrifying female killer, and I found that killer in Esther. Fuhrman used her facial expressions to make Esther appear charming and sweet in one scene and then absolutely evil and insane in another. And her ability to fake a Russian accent for the entire film was absolutely incredible. The accent seemed realistic and made the film even scarier. Eight year old Engineer was also an amazing actress. Engineer plays the hearing-impaired daughter of the couple who is tricked into helping Esther kill. Engineer is hearing impaired in real life so this role was perfect for her. Even at eight she was completely believable and played her part incredibly. Her portrayal of fear towards Esther was beautiful as was her portrayal of love toward Vera Farmiga who played her mother. All of the actors in the film did an exceptional job, but these two young girls were just incredible.

Orphan is a film that sounds stupid when you first hear about it, but it turned out to be an incredible film. It wasn't necessarily scary, but the idea of allowing a child into your home and then that child trying to hurt you and your family is terrifying. Orphan is one of the best American horror films that has come out this year and I would recommend it to anyone who loves horror films.

-H

Jennifer's Body

Jennifer's Body is one of those films that you'll either love or hate. And to my surprise I loved this movie. Starring the beautiful Megan Fox and the quirky Amanda Seyfried, Jennifer's Body is quirky and scary and funny and gory. And it works. The movie has a simple enough plot: a indie-rock band sells their souls to the devil to become as famous as "the guy from Maroon 5." So to make an impression on Satan, the have to sacrifice a virgin. So they hold a mini-concert at a dirty bar in Jennifer (Fox) and Needy's (Seyfried) hometown. The band charms Jennifer and then their "magic" sets fire to the bar. In all the confusion, the lead singer of the band, Nikolai, played by Adam Brody, convinces Jennifer to get into his van. And after that night, Jennifer is just not the same. Young guys from the town begin showing up eaten and Needy notices that her best friend keeps acting weirder and weirder.

When this movie first came out, I was discouraged to hear that many of the top critics gave it bad reviews. However, I decided to go ahead and watch it. And I'm so glad that I did. Jennifer's Body is not that bad of a movie. In fact, I would be willing to bet that one day it will be viewed the same way as cult classics like Rocky Horror Picture Show, which is referenced in the film. Jennifer's Body is not a serious movie. In fact, I wouldn't even call it a horror movie as much as a dark comedy. Not that it wasn't scary, because there were some very intense parts, including one scene where Needy meets Jennifer in the kitchen and Jennifer is covered in blood and gore. It just wasn't meant to be seen as a horror movie. It does not, in any way, take itself seriously. It is meant to make people laugh and it is meant to be stupid and corny and, to put it bluntly, completely ridiculous. Because it is. It is an absolutely ridiculous movie, with a ridiculous plot and outrageous dialogue, but it all works. It's surprisingly funny and entertaining, but it will also keep you on the edge of your seat.

But the plot wasn't the only ridiculous thing about this movie. Megan Fox as a cannibalistic demon, really? For some reason I don't think the picked Fox because she is terrifying. But she is gorgeous. And she does play a pretty awesome psycho. And, not to put down Fox, but it seems really realistic. In the movie, Jennifer could get any guy she wanted, even though she was a man-eating demon. Somehow, I think that even if the real Fox was a demon she could get almost any man she wanted. But anyhow, Fox was actually a pretty good actress. She plays the evil type well, and I don't just mean a demon. She was also pretty good in her role as the stuck-up cheerleader. Amanda Seyfried was also surprisingly good. Her emotions were expressed to the audience, so, watching the film, you knew when she was afraid, the majority of the film, and when she was happy, the minority. The chemistry between Fox and Seyfried was pretty incredible too. The two seemed to work really well together and they just seemed to connect. Adam Brody also had a small part in the film as the lead singer of the Satanic indie-band: Low Shoulder. He's only on screen for a brief time, but he does very well with the little part he was given. His character is a gentlemanly psycho and he plays the part exactly the way it should be played. He's charming, yet scary. And good-looking, yet completely insane. The acting wasn't the best that I've ever seen, however, it fits the funny and quirky style of the movie.

The script was also completely ridiculous, yet brilliant. The dialogue is littered with made up words that are supposed to sound like something a teenager would say. However, no teenager actually says stuff like "jello" for jealous or any of the other weird slang words. But it doesn't even matter because the fact that these words are so ridiculous makes the movie even more funny because it seems like the movie itself is aware of how stupid and hilarious it is.

Jennifer's Body is not meant to be a serious, thought-provoking film. It was made to become a cult classic. It was made to make people laugh and to just be fun. I think many critics have lost sight of the fact that a movie doesn't have to be serious and dramatic to be good. Movies weren't made to make people feel lousy and depressed. They were made to make people laugh to give people a source of fun entertainment. And Jennifer's Body succeeds because it does both of those: it makes you laugh and it is impossible to not be entertained by this completely insane and hilarious movie.

-H

Dawn of the Dead

Recently, J and I watched the remake of the horror classic Dawn of the Dead. Having never seen the original Dawn of the Dead I will not be able to compare the remake to the original. I will say this however, seeing the remake of Dawn of the Dead seriously makes me want to see the original.

Dawn of the Dead is about a young woman, Ana played by Sarah Polley, who wakes up to find that everyone in her town, including her husband who is sharing a room with her, have all turned into zombies. Ana runs out to her car and eventually runs into another group of survivors. All of the survivors gather together and decide that their best plan of action is to hide out inside a shopping mall where the zombies supposedly cannot get to them.

Dawn of the Dead was not what I would call a horror movie. It is suspenseful, yes, but not scary at all. Unless, you're scared of zombies, then you might not want to watch. But anyway, the movie is much more sad than it is, scary. The ending is completely depressing and yet extremely realistic, well as realistic as it can be with dealing with zombies. But you must, must, must watch the credits to see the full ending of the movie. If you turn off the movie before the credits you will completely miss the effect of the ending.

Dawn of the Dead is not the best horror movie I've ever seen. However, it is the best horror zombie flick I've ever seen. I specify horror zombie flick because Zombieland is the best zombie movie I've ever seen but it is no where close to being a horror movie. The gory costumes that the zombie wear in the movie are disgustingly realistic and amazing. The images of legless zombies with half of their faces gone is equally as disturbing and helped to create the tense and unnerving feeling in the movie. However, the scariest thing about the movie was actually one of the very first scenes. Ana wakes up to find that a little girl in her neighborhood has turned into a zombie then witnesses her husband transform into a crazed zombie. The idea that someone you love and care so much about could ultimately be the person who kills you is just too terrifying.

Sarah Polley who plays Ana was a very good actress. Her emotions of fear and sadness were both extremely believable. However, the best actor in the movie, who played one of my favorite characters, was Ving Rhames. Rhames played a tough cop who was the "leader" of the surviving group. He was an extremely believable actor. I could feel his pain when one of his friends was killed and I could also truly feel his anger towards and fear of the zombies.

I would recommend Dawn of the Dead to anyone who likes zombie movies. But you don't have to be a zombie fan or even a horror fan to enjoy the movie. Dawn of the Dead is a well-made, disturbing, and sad movie, but would be a good movie to watch on a rainy day.

-H

Paranormal Activity

On Friday night at midnight, J and I went to the movie theater expecting to see a good but disappointing movie. I was very, very excited to see Paranormal Activity, but J kept telling me that I would probably be disappointed so I had to bring my expectations down by a lot. I was excited, but prepared for the worst. So, there we were in the theater, at midnight and slowly the theater began to fill up. And then the movie started.

If you haven't heard about this movie, then let me tell you a little about it. Paranormal Activity is director Oren Peli's first film. Filmed in the style of Blair Witch and Cloverfield, Paranormal Activity is filmed with a single, hand-held camera giving off a very realistic, documentary-like feeling. The movie tells about a young couple who move into a house together. After a few unnatural things begin to happen, Micah finds out that ever since Katie, his girlfriend, was a little girl she has been haunted by some sort of spirit. Micah then decides to bring home a nice camera to film the unnatural activity that is happening. After that, literally, all hell breaks loose. The couple discovers that the spirit that plagues Katie is a demon and is looking to destroy her. I won't tell anymore of the plot because then the entire film would be ruined. The movie relies on the fact that the audience has no clue what to expect. Every little bump in the night is a surprise and the movie would not be nearly as scary without the suspense.

The best things about Paranormal Activity were the plot and the actual filming, The way the film was shot was amazing. The movie was made for a mere $11,000 but the filming seemed very professional and well-thought-out. Every shot was made so that the audience would be looking in the background, trying to see something move or change. The day scenes, while not as good as those shot in the dark, were still very impressive. The dialogue between Micah and Katie make the movie very real because they talk like a real couple would talk if a camera was in the room. They fight, argue, make up, and fight again all in front of the camera which makes the movie seem all the more realistic and truly set the stage for the terrifying night scenes. The beginning of the movie is a bit long and boring and all you can do is wait for the night scenes. But at the end of the movie, you will dread the night scenes because they are so terrifying and the day scenes don't bring any comfort either because, by the end, strange things happen during the day too. And then, the ending. All I can say is "Holy crap." I will not say anything else except that the ending will shock anybody who can stay in the theater long enough to see it.

Paranormal Activity is the scariest movie I have ever seen. Ever. And I've seen many, many. many horror movies. And it truly scared me. I could barley go to sleep after watching it. And I wasn't the only one who was scared. If you've seen the previews for Paranormal Activity then you've seen the pictures of the audiences screaming their heads off because of this movie. I was very skeptical about this. I highly doubted that anybody in the theater would even jump or gasp, let alone scream. However, I was mistaken. By the end scene, almost everyone in the theater was screaming, even the grown men. I would guess, though, that Paranormal Activity is best viewed at night. I highly doubt that it would scare anyone who watches it in a brightly lit room in the middle of the day. However, if you do dare to go watch Paranormal Activity at night, then be warned. It has been said that Paranormal Activity is the scariest film since The Exorcist. While I've never understood what was so scary about The Exorcist, I'm sure the people who saw it the first night it was released were terrified. And I believe this will be the fate of Paranormal Activity. Thirty years from now, people will no longer fear things that go bump in the night like the monster of Paranormal Activity, but for now, Paranormal Activity will truly terrify anybody who walks into that theater. Paranormal Activity is the scariest thing I've ever seen and I would recommend it to anyone who doesn't mind shaking in fear and not being able to sleep with the light off for a few nights.

-H

Trick r Treat

Trick r Treat is a nice little direct-to-video horror film. The movie tells four different stories that are all set in the same town on one Halloween night. One of the stories tells about a school principal who is a really a serial killer. Another tells of a 22-year-old "virgin" who goes to a party and gets revenge on the man who follows her down a dark road. The third tells of four children who decide to play a mean joke on an outcast girl by telling her the story of the Halloween School bus Massacre. And the last tells of a man with a dark secret who is chased by his personal demons. All of the stories are about different people but an overlying story about an odd little creature with a dirty mask link all of the others together.

Trick r Treat is an intricate film with an amazing plot. All of the stories originally seem to be separate, however, everything is connected together. And the story works in a perfect circle: starting at the beginning, then going back two hours, then going back to the beginning. And the way that the creepy little monster fits into the film is brilliant as is the overlying story of the Halloween School bus Massacre and the missing school bus driver who is haunted by his horrible actions. While watching the movie, I actually guessed who the bus driver was which could have ruined the movie. However, the film makers anticipated this so there is even a bigger twist ending. And this twist ending is sure to shock every viewer because it is truly disturbing.

Usually straight-to-video horror films usually have very weak stories and even weaker acting. However, the actors in Trick r Treat were surprisingly good. All of the actors were truly getting into their dark, evil, and creepy roles bringing the characters to life. Everything seemed very real and genuine which made the film all the more disturbing and enjoyable.

The movie has some disturbing elements including the murder of children and an odd rape-like scene. However, I would not consider the movie scary. Many of the scenes are bordering on humorous and the ones that aren't are just fun to watch. Trick r Treat is a really fun, enjoyable movie that is perfect to watch on a dark and stormy night when it's almost Halloween. Anybody can enjoy this movie, but a true horror fan may finally find a fun and new movie to watch year after year on Halloween night.

-H

Zombieland

This weekend, J and I saw a movie. But not just any movie, we saw what may possibly be the best movie that has come out this year: Zombieland. Zombieland is the perfect blend of horror, gore, and comedy. The acting was incredible, the gore was disgusting, and the comedy was hilarious!

The movie starts with a montage of zombies chasing after people and eating them. It is incredibly disgusting but also incredibly hilarious. I was laughing so hard and it was only three or four minutes in. Then we are introduced to the main character whose name we don't know. We see him running from zombies and he lists his rules for surviving zombieland. Then, he runs in to Tallahassee, played by Woody Harrelson. Tallahassee is a zombie-fighting machine. Every zombie he meets he kills in brutal, yet hilarious ways.

Speaking of Woody Harrelson, the acting in this movie was incredible. Woody Harrelson was the perfect choice to play the zombie-killing maniac. His crazy smile and wacky attitude fit the role of Tallahassee perfectly. And Abigail Breslin was the perfect pick for the sweet con-artist Little Rock who helps her big sister con the men out of their car and guns.

The acting was complimented by the gory images of zombies eating people and the somewhat scary images of zombies chasing people. But this movie was in no way scary, the comedy really outweighed the scariness and gore. However, there was one scene with a zombie clown that left me cringing.

I would definitely recommend this movie for anybody who wants a good laugh. This movie is, I think, the best movie that has come out this year and I can't wait to go see it again.

-H

Let the Right One In

Let the Right One In is a Swedish film about a young boy,Oskar, and his love for his neighbor, Eli, who ends up being a vampire. The film is very interesting and different from most horror movies. In fact, I wouldn't even call it a horror film. Despite the violence and mild gore, there was nothing remotely scary about the film. It was more of a love story than a horror film. However, the lack of scariness doesn't make the film any less enjoyable.

The movie is one that many people may find boring. However, I feel that the way everything is drawn out really adds to the suspense of the film. Nothing is really in-your-face and nothing will make you jump, but seeing a young girl brutally attack a man and drink his blood is in itself completely terrifying. The scenery also adds a eeriness to the film. The movie is set is Sweden in the winter, so the entire film takes place in white snow. All the colors, especially the red of the blood Eli drinks, stand out brilliantly against the white background.

However, the blood, the murders, the woman bursting in to flames, and all of the other intense sequences are not what made the film. The acting was incredible. Not the acting of the adults in the film, but the acting of the children was incredible. Both of the children were around 13 when the film was released which means they were even younger during the making of the film. However, the acted as if they had been acting for years. The movie was so intense and passionate, the love between Oskar and Eli so deep and hard to portray, but the two children truly made the film believable. They both out acted the adults and I think if anyone else had been chosen to play either on of these roles the entire film would not have been as good. The bond between Eli and Oskar was shown beautifully by the children and the audience will truly believe that these children are in love.

Let the Right One In is a deeply moving movie. It is not only a film, however, it is a work of art. I would recommend this movie for horror fans but also for fans of romance movies. Just be prepared to witness a very unconventional romance.

-H

Paranormal Activity

Hey everybody! There's a new movie coming out called Paranormal Activity. It is supposedly the scariest movie since The Exorcist. Even Stephen Spielberg was freaked out by the movie, claiming it was haunted and returning it to the place where he got it. Unfortunately, this is an independent movie so it will not be released in most cities. But you can go to this website and ask for it to appear in a town near you: http://www.paranormalmovie.com. I ask you all to go this website, click the yellow demand it button, and type in Spartanburg, SC. J and I would both love to watch this movie and write an amazing review about it for you. It will only take a few seconds to demand this movie and you can even demand it near you. Thanks for your time!

-H

Black Christmas

Black Christmas is another horror remake that J and I have watched recently. I have never seen the original so I cannot compare the two, however, I can say that the remake was completely pointless. The story was stupid and way too confusing for a horror movie of that type. Black Christmas tells about a young man who kills his family after years of abuse, goes to an asylum and the breaks out on Christmas eve to return to his house and reek havoc upon the young sorority sisters who now live in the house.

The movie was extremely gory and shallow. Because of some weird obsession with eyeballs, we get to see many character have their eyes ripped out of the sockets or gouged out or have something horrible happen to them. However, none of the gore was truly satisfying. Everything happened much too quickly. None the murder scenes were drawn out and nothing was very suspenseful. And on top of that, we know who the killer is the entire time. He wears no mask and his face is clearly seen almost every time he pops up. There is absolutely nothing mysterious or creepy about him despite his yellow skin that was caused by a liver disease, and even that bit of information is offered up early on in the film so there is truly nothing disturbing about this supposedly terrifying killer. I must say, however, that there are a few scenes depicting cannibalism that are quite disgusting. I still would not call them creepy though. There was nothing in this movie that was anything close to creepy.

Going into this movie I expected the acting to be the most terrifying aspect of the film. However, the acting wasn't as terrible as I expected. Michelle Trachtenberg and Lacey Chabert have starred in decent films, but horror doesn't exactly seem like their cup of tea. Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Kristen Cloke, on the other hand, have both acted in The Final Destination films that I have seen and enjoyed. However, even a cast of young, pretty girls can't redeem this film. The majority of the acting feels very unreal and shallow, while the actor who played the notorious killer Billy overacted every scene he appeared in.

Black Christmas was only an hour and a half long, however, it felt like it took forever to watch. The ending was unoriginal and the entire plot was completely predictable. It wasn't the worst movie I've

ever seen, but it was no where near being the best.

-H

Eraserhead

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of finally seeing the cult classic Eraserhead. I first became intrigued by this movie when I saw that it came in at number three on a list of the most disturbing horror films of all times. Released in 1977, Eraserhead is a movie that is far beyond it's time, in some since. Despite the fact that it was made in the 70's, it was filmed in all black-and-white and lacks the dirtiness and grittiness of most horror films from the era. However, it does not need that grittiness to be on of the most disturbing films I have ever seen.

The beginning of the film is very strange. It feels like a very bad acid trip minus all the bright colors. The film begins with the floating head of a young man and some sort of lumpy, rocky looking structure in the background. On top of that, there is absolutely no dialogue for the first 10 and a half minutes of the film with the only noises being odd, carnival-like music. Not that this movie needed much dialogue at all. IMDB's trivia section on this movie even stated that the film even had trouble with funding because the script for the entire film was twenty pages long. But for anyone who goes to watch this movie, do not be discouraged by the lack of dialogue and the weird beginning. This movie gets much, much, much better.

I really don't want to say much about the plot of the film because I feel that this movie is more entertaining when you are not expecting what will happen next. However, I will say that the movie tells the story about a young man named Henry and his struggle with parenthood and that it will make you never, ever, under any circumstances, want to eat chicken again. But, anyway, it's not just that the movie is better when you don't know what's coming, it's that I couldn't tell you what this film was about even if I wanted too. I have absolutely no idea! Director David Lynch has never revealed to anyone what the meaning of the film is and I doubt he ever will. He has, however, come out and said that no one has even come close with guesses about the meaning. If I had to make an educated guess I would suggest that film is promoting abstinence and displaying the common fear of parenthood. But that's just my guess.

The style of the film is incredibly artsy so if that's not your thing, don't even bother with this film. If you don't mind thinking deep and terribly disturbing thoughts then you may just enjoy it. Many of the scenes are shockingly thought provoking and will make even the most fearless person squirm in their seat. It's not that the images are truly terrifying, the concept of the film (or at least what I believe to be the concept of the film) is on a completely different level than most horror films. It is so much deeper and will truly make you think about life, love, and how sometimes mistakes are made that cannot be fixed and how they can haunt you for the rest of your life.

Eraserhead is by far the most disturbing film I have ever seen, but I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys deep, thought-provoking movies. But be warned, once you see this film you may never be able to erase it from your mind.

-H

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

I suppose you could say that J and I have been on a horror remakes kick. First it was My Bloody Valentine and now The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. However, my review for this movie will be very different from the one for My Bloody Valentine. Partly because I have actually see the Chainsaw Massacre (and it is one of my all-time favorites) but mostly because this movie actually made sense, unlike My Bloody Valentine. But enough of that. I'll spend the rest of this review comparing the new and old Chainsaw Massacres. I will not bore you with taking a paragraph to summarize the plot because if you do not know this movie then you must have been living in a hole for the last thirty years, but I will say this. The plot in the new movie has been slightly changed. In the original film, the teens are driving through Texas when the meet a strange hitchhiker and pick him up. He goes crazy, pulls out a knife, and then the teens kick him out. After that all hell breaks loose and the bloody mess known as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre ensues.

Now I will discuss the changes made to the remake. The first scenes of the new film are similar to those of the original, however, there are a few minute differences that hardly make a difference to the film. For those of you who've seen the original but not that new film, the brother and sister characters have been replaced by a boyfriend and girlfriend and the crazy guy hitchhiker from the original has been changed to a crazy girl. The change made with the relationship between the characters does absolutely nothing for the plot except for gives it that modern cliche that insists that all relationships are doomed in the horror world. The change from male to female crazy hitchhiker actually worked quite well to escalate the tension of the scene. There is also one more major change that I think actually truly helped the film. This may be considered a spoiler so be warned......okay, for those of you who decided you don't give a crap about spoilers so here it goes: the hitchhiker in the new film actually pulls a gun out from between her legs and shoots herself through the head. This may sound very random, but the girl had previously been sobbing and saying things about "never going back" and other completely terrifying things. Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but the fact that this woman was holding that gun between her legs was equally disgusting and disturbing. But more than that, this suicide actually makes a lot of sense by the end of the film and it really helps to make the characters actions make sense. In the original film, the teens stumble upon this house while looking for gas, then the just walk inside without waiting for anyone to invite them in, the proceed to run around and scream in terror. Now, I'm not dissing the original film: it's one of my favorites and it's a classic. However, I do think that the characters got what they deserved in the original. They were idiots. They trespassed in a strange house in the middle of the country and didn't even think about the fact that they could be walking into the house of a crazed, cannibalistic, chainsaw-wielding family. In the new film, however, the teens come upon the house because they are sent to look or the sheriff so that he could look at the body of the suicide victim. And then when they couldn't find him, they saw the house and went to ask for a phone, where they actually talked to the man who lived there and went inside. Then, the only reason they went inside without permission was to look for their missing friend. So, while their actions were not completely intelligent, they weren't being down-right stupid either.

Okay, moving on. For a horror film of this type (the cliche slasher film) the acting was actually quite impressive. Jessica Biel was the only actor in the film that I recognized and she was the leading role. And she did surprisingly well in this role. Her fear was believable and her screaming was amazing. I mention this because, in the original film, the girl's screaming drove me insane. She didn't even sound scared, she just sounded somewhat bored and possibly even psychotic. So, Jessica Biel was a large improvement.

Now, for the most important subject: Leatherface. In the original, Leatherface was terrifying. He was a purely evil psychopath who choose his victims at random and feasted on them with his half-dead grandpa and other family members. However, the new film gave him a little more depth. We find out in the new film that Leatherface wears his masks made of other people's faces because of a horrible skin condition that he had as a child. While this does explain a lot, I think it takes away from his terrifying demeanor. Watching the film, I found myself feeling quite sorry for him and almost cheering him on. He has always been made fun of because of his skin so he deserves to wear the face of the pretty, young Jessica Biel! It may sound odd, but I think I liked him better when I thought he was just crazy and hungry for some human flesh!

The film also added in some other characters that were kind of strange and irrelevant. Leatherface is given some new family members, including an odd looking young boy and some random women. The women don't play much of a role in the film other than adding some strange sub-plot about the young hitchhiker from the beginning having a daughter who was kidnapped by Leatherface's family. The young boy, however, plays a pivotal role (*spoiler*) by helping Biel's character escape from Leatherface's house.

The ending of the movie was quite exciting. It was a little different from the original but it still worked. All in all, I think The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake did the original film justice. Those who enjoyed the original film should still enjoy the remake, maybe just not as much as the original. And for those who haven't seen the original, the remake can stand alone and be enjoyable for anyone.

-H

My Bloody Valentine

Okay, so I'll admit. I have never seen the original My Bloody Valentine. I am not sure if I was so confused by this movie because of that fact or if it is just a downright confusing movie. My Bloody Valentine starts out with a series of pictures and newspaper clippings that tell about a mine collapse and the one man who survived. Then it cuts to a hospital where this one many come out of a coma and begins to kill all the nurses. And then it cuts to the mines where a bunch of teenagers are partying on Valentine's Day and we get to see them all killed by this same crazy guy. Now, you would think that this would all be spoilers to this movie, but it's not. All of this happens within the first fifteen minutes of the film. J and I actually thought we may have accidentally skipped to the end of the movie because of all the blood and gore in this first scene, but, no, that's really how the movie starts.

Now to talk about the actual quality of the movie. I'll start my saying this: the dialogue was terrible. Maybe even beyond terrible. The script was so cliche and the presentation of the horrible script was done in an excruciating manner. However, the acting wasn't all bad. The majority of the acting was mind-numbing, but Jensen Ackles, from the TV series Supernatural, did a reasonably okay job. However, I think that even A-list, big name stars couldn't have made this dialogue worth listening too.

Despite all of this, however, the gore was absolutely beautiful. It seemed like throughout the entire film there was extreme violence then about ten minutes of cliche drama then another random scene of extreme violence. It was all slightly random but it worked in this confusing mess of a movie. The violence was brutal and gory and almost redeems this movie. Almost.

My Bloody Valentine was extremely confusing and cliche, but the violence was beautiful. I'm not entirely sure if I would recommend this movie, but I suspect that horror fans who enjoy psychological thrills might at least find the movie somewhat entertaining. I didn't particularly enjoy the movie myself, but it did make me want to see the original to see if it made any more sense than the remake.

-H

The Descent

I can only start by saying that horror movies usually don't scare me. They have made me jump, they have made me squirm, but I had never, never truly screamed during a horror movie...until I watched The Descent.

Written and directed by Neil Marshall, The Descent is a movie about death, friendship, and the will to survive. After the death of the main character, Sarah's, husband and daughter, five of her friends decide to take her on an adventure. The girls decide to go cave-diving. They plan on going to a tourist attraction like cave, but because of the adventurous spirit of one of the women, Juno, they end up going to a completely uncharted cave system. Down in the caves the girls experience pure terror. Creepy creature called Crawlers stalk the girls through the cave system forcing the them to push themselves to do things that they would not normally do.

My favorite thing about this movie had to be the building up of suspense. It starts slow, but it is truly worth the wait. The first forty minutes of the movie are all just a build up to the last half of the movie. That's not to say, however, that they weren't frightening. While there wasn't any in-your-face gore and terror, their is a suspense created that will cause viewers to be very nervous. I must admit, I am somewhat claustrophobic and seeing this group of women crawling through the tight cave systems terrified me. My palms got sweaty and my heart was racing and yet I was still waiting for the movie to get to the downright horror part. And then, without any warning, it happened. The suspense turned into complete chaos. And at that moment, I screamed. I have never reacted like that to any horror movie I've ever seen, but something about the white, corpse-like face of the Crawler looming over the woman's shoulder completely horrified me. And after that moment the movie became absolutely terrifying. Crawlers jumped around the screen, women were screaming, the camera was moving and it was just the most disturbing scene I have ever seen.

However, the disturbing images, blood, and gore are not the only things that made the movie outstanding. The underlying themes of overcoming death and heartache, of trusting friends and the bonds of friendship being destroyed, and of doing whatever you can to survive cause the film to have a much deeper meaning than most horror films of this time period.

If I had to rate this movie out of ten, I believe I would give it a 9. The Descent is one of the most incredible horror films I have ever seen. It is truly terrifying and after seeing this film you can count on one thing: you will never, ever want to go cave-diving.

-H

The Haunting

For being a horror movie made in 1963, The Haunting was a truly disturbing film. It tells about a haunted house, Hill House, that was said to have been "born evil." Everyone who had ever come in contact with the house had supposedly been killed by it's evil power. One woman passed in a carriage accident, a man died after briefly living in the house, and another woman passed away from an illness. While all of these things seem like coincidences, many people truly believed that the house was the cause of all the deaths. These beliefs inspired a young man to take a team of people into Hill House to explore the possibility of supernatural phenomenon. Upon arriving, the guests experience many strange activities and consequently are faced with the terror of an untimely death.

Obviously there is no blood or gore in this film. Like other horror films of this time, The Haunting relies more on an atmospheric terror than on visuals or the "shock factor." However, there was plenty of disturbing images that created a truly creepy and tense film. There are sequences of loud banging noises where the women are hiding in their rooms trying to stay quiet so the spirit doesn't know where they are. Julie Harris, who plays the main character Eleanor, and Claire Bloom, who played Eleanor's friend/roommate Theo, both do incredible jobs portraying true fear and terror. Their faces during many of the scenes created the mood of suspense and fear that is so essential to creating an atmospheric horror film. But not only does Harris portray fear amazingly, she also portrays insanity beautifully. Her character, Eleanor seems to slowly be going insane, however, because of Harris' acting skills it's hard to tell what is only in her mind and what is truly happening within Hill House.

The plot is also surprisingly original and interesting. Many scenes in the movie, including one where two women fall asleep holding hands and wake up holding hands, but not with each other and another where the door in the house is actually breathing, were shocking to see in a movie from that time period. The Haunting is a truly superior horror film. The script was written to keep the audience engaged and interested, the plot was shocking and original (especially for 1963) and the acting was superb! I would definitely recommend this movie to anyone who has an interest in horror films because not only is it beautifully done, but it has a surprise ending that will give today's "twist" ending a run for their money!

-H

Audition

So, lately my boyfriend and I have been watching quite a few foreign horror movies. Audition is a J-Horror movie that is a strange combination of romance and thriller and drama and horror and even a little bit of comedy. Released in 1999, it had a record number of walk-outs at the Rotterdam Film Festival and even caused one viewer to faint and be sent to the emergency room because of it's shocking images and ideas.

Audition tells the story of a widower, Shigeharu, who is looking to remarry. One of his colleagues sets up a fake movie audition where the two man are truly looking for a woman for the widower to marry. Upon reviewing the resumes and interviewing the girls, Shigeharu takes an instant liking to a young woman named Asami. The two begin dating, but after learning of the strange deaths and disappearances of everybody connected to Asami, Shigeharu starts to realize she isn't who he believes her to be.

This movie is truly one of the most shocking movies I have ever seen. At the beginning, my boyfriend and I weren't even sure that we had gotten the right movie. Going into it, I knew Audition was a horror movie, but the beginning felt like a drama or a nice romance movie. However, there was something creepy about it the entire time. Maybe it was because I went into the movie knowing what Asami truly is, but it was very disturbing to see how sweet and romantic she appears to be in the beginning of the film. Ehih Shiina does a brilliant job portraying the psychopathic Asami, starting the role as a friendly and angelic sweetheart and transforming into the most merciless and terrifying killer to ever star in a horror film.

Because the movie is Japanese, I had to watch it using subtitles. I feel that I may have lost a little in translation, but the dialogue was still quite captivating. It truly works because it tells the terrifying story in bits in pieces that leave the viewer wondering what is really happening until the end of the film. And even now I'm still left wondering what the film actually means. I'm sure it all means something. And I believe it has to do with caging your emotions inside of you and how freeing it is to release them. I say this because of one key plot point: as a child Asami was sexually assaulted by her step father. *(Spoiler)*This abuse led to her losing her sanity which caused her to decapitate him with a piano string. And many of her other acts of violence were also caused by provocation. However, this does not excuse her from being considered a complete psychopath for many reasons, mainly the final scene.

When I read about the person who fainted at the screening of Audition I was positive that it happened during the final scene of the film. It was described by Rob Zombie as being one of the hardest things he's ever had to watch and made me, a gore-hound, flinch and close my eyes. I have never seen such raw and terrifying evil in a movie. Sweet, gentle Asami, with her angelic voice becomes a demonic evil who will terrify viewers for years to come. This may be a spoiler but because it has been ten years since the release of this film I feel that I can discuss the final scene. The final scene of the movie is a disgusting torture scene. Asami takes acupuncture needles and says that it has taken her forever to learn to make it hurt. Then she sticks the needles into Shigeharu's stomach and eye sockets. Then she takes a piano wire, and with the biggest smile on her face, she saws off Shigeharu's foot. It was the most terrifying, disturbing, and disgusting scene I have ever seen.

It took Audition a while to get good. To be honest, my boyfriend and I almost turned it off. But for some reason we decided to keep watching and I'm so glad that we did. The ending of Audition makes up for the boring hour and a half you have to watch before you get there. But be warned, this movie is NOT for the squeamish.

-H

Inside

Usually, I don't really like foreign horror movies. I don't mind the subtitles or anything, it's just that the plots are usually too outrageous for my liking. However, Inside was a very different kind of movie foreign horror film. Inside is a French film about a young pregnant woman who was in a car crash that killed her husband. Several months later, the mother has still not had the baby so the doctors decide to induce labor the next day. The young woman goes back to her house where she is terrorized by another young lady seeking vengeance. The plot sounds a little crazy but it really works well. The woman who stalks the pregnant woman is truly terrifying and makes for an awesome movie villain. She has no mercy on her victims, killing them in the most terrible ways possible. Her weapon of choice is usually a pair of scissors but other times she will use whatever is handy to torture her victims.

Inside is probably the most gory movie I have ever seen and that's saying a lot because I have seen a lot of gory movies. But the level of gore in the movie surpasses any I've ever seen. There is blood covering almost every surface in the movie. There are people getting stabbed in the throat and blood spurting out of them. People getting shot in the head and even people getting cut open. But somehow, all of the gore works in the movie. It is not too extreme and probably fits the type of wounds most of the people suffered.

Beatrice Dalle stars as the character known only as La femme. She doesn't have many lines, but she plays her character with such skill that whenever she speaks she terrifies. Just the sight of her walking into the room will cause your heart to race and your palms to sweat. But Dalle wouldn't have been so frightening had Alysson Paradis, who played the young pregnant woman, not acted so terrified of her. Paradis' screams are enough to make you cringe and they seem so realistic that it's scary. Both woman are incredible in their roles and play off of each other to create an extremely tense and disturbing atmosphere.

Inside is a very well-crafted film with beautiful acting and an incredible script that all work surprisingly well together. It is surprisingly short, clocking in at only an hour and eighteen minutes, but it packs all the scares and thrills it can into that short amount of time.

-H